Sex and the city

¿Why can't I stop? I don't know what's happening to me but i'm acting like i'm looking desperately for love. I know that this isn't the right way, I know that as much as you serch the less you find, but I can't stop.
On other thing is that I didn't have sex since three months ago, and my body have his needs, but in myself i've the inside fight sex vs love. And I'm trying to do that love wins but how can I do it if loves doesn't appear? I don't wanna be like before I was. Have sex with different boys who I didn't know and who I know that i won't see them again. I only want to meet a boy, but I know that in a club at saturday night I won't find love. I'm trying to don't seem desesperate but deep inside of me I know that i'm start to act like this. I know that I've to relax, stop to search and things will happen, but I feel like I've to wait and i haven't got the control of my life. And I also know that maybe what i need is to know new people, new guys, but where? I'm in a so close world, and I haven't got "normal firends", maybe you can't understand what I'm talking about but i'm not a normal boy, my job it's not normal, and all my friends do the same than me, so... And it makes me feel overwhelmed. I need to know people out of my world, but how?
I know that it could sound like I'm getting crazy, but I'm not. This are only a lot of thoughts that I've been having in my mind during a lot of time and now I'm starting to be upset about all of it. I need love, a love wich can make me go out of my life and makes me feel free of all of my world. But i'm searching in the wrong places, and I don't know where I've to search. I know that you'll say to me that I haven't got to search it just will happen, but I can't be here doing nothing and waiting for the moment, maybe I left it without realizing... Or maybe it didn't arrive yet.
I mean, I'm in the moment to have relationships, boyfriends, meet knew people and i'm starting to feel like I'm allways in the same circle running arround of it, and it makes me feel caught into one sensless cycle. I need to break it but how?
I think that I should stop to thing about all of it because it makes me feel overwhelmed and when i arrive at this point I only want to have a break in my life, go away and start again, but I know that it isn't the right thing...
So, I'll be here. Living my life, enjoying the moments that it brings to me, and waiting for Mr. Love. I hope that he won't arrive too late.


(Perdonar por mi inglés no es muy bueno, pero justo termine de ver Gossip Girl y me salió así, si alguien sabe inglés y de paso me corrige lo agradeceré mucho^^).

XOXO